ive been no contact with my ex (out of convenience / awkwardness, not some kind of agreement) for maybe six months now? they got in touch a couple of weeks ago because theyre planning to move to a bigger city to start a stable and well paying job that theyve been dreaming of for a while. theyre bundling a bunch of their things in their car with their boyfriend and heading over that way, and need to get rid of a bunch of things that belonged to the two of us. i've been turning over this feeling of inadequacy that came as a result, both as a direct comparison to them and how i feel like i'm stagnating while theyre getting their big break, as well as this deep sensation of seeing their stable relationship. apropos of nothing my brain starts feeling like i'm lacking as a person because i couldn't provide what they needed (this is of course ridiculous, but it's interesting that the feeling came up anyway)

the direct counterpoint to this weird feeling is a recent stint of interesting events - my exes sibling, a person i'm still really good friends with and who lives in the city my ex is moving to, confided in me that they find my ex and their new boyfriend deathly boring, and that they're dreading having to see them regularly. they also said that i set an extremely high bar as an in-law, all of which was a crazy ego-booster in the mid afternoon on a random tuesday. there's the fact that my ex is renting their current, soon to be old, house out, which just seems extremely typical of the way they approach the world and a reminder that we had a lot of fundamental differences. and finally, theres the kind of hilarious gut reaction when my ex showed me the shitty rainbow 3d printed articulated dragon their boyfriend gave them, and i almost felt shame that i had been in a relationship with someone with such shitty taste. this is extremely petty obviously, but i hope it also communicates potentially the most bizarre feeling of realising that you have truly moved on from your ex lol

postscript: i made that absolutely tragic self flagellating post about my current partner a couple of months ago and never addressed it, but we got together a couple of days later and had a really tough but ultimately really helpful conversation and have been going really incredibly well since then. i admire their creativity and their tenacity and sense of humour and also just find them really really attractive, and i hope to be with them for a very long time